It's No Secret Keeping Money Secrets From Your Partner Is Not the Ideal Way to Maintain a Relationship
I'm In Debt
- Posted:
1/24/2009
Talk to any psychologist or marriage counselor and they will probably all agree that honesty is the best policy in a relationship – and that includes money matters. People in new relationships often think telling their partner about their debt will just drive the person away. The problem is if that relationship becomes more serious – suddenly you're faced with having to tell the person about all of that debt (almost like asking them to take on the responsibility of however-many-thousands-of-dollars you have in debt overnight!) or simply hiding the shameful secret for as long as possible.
The amount of debt held by the average American has climbed steadily in the past 10 years, and is currently just shy of $7,000 in credit card debt, per person. This doesn't take into account any other types of debt you may have – car loans, personal loans, mortgages, etc!
Financial issues are the number one reason married couples get divorced. If you've been harboring money secrets (shopping sprees or other debts your partner isn't aware of) it's a good idea to come clean and have a heart to heart if you hope to have a successful life-long relationship. Talk about it together and prioritize your spending. Together, develop a plan for getting out of debt. You will not be able to hide it forever, and the anxiety of being “found out” can be the cause of other problems in your relationship. It's much better to just come clean now and deal with it as a team.
Depending on the state you live in, such as in NY, the debts incurred by one partner of a married couple can become the responsibility of both people in the event of a divorce unless there is a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement.
There are two types of people when it comes to matters of money... those who save it and those who spend it. If you marry the opposite of your own money lifestyle habits, financial clashes are bound to happen. "I think there's a tendency when it comes to marriage that both partners will think they're right when it comes to this issue," says Neil Chethik, author of
Voicemale: What Husbands Really Think About Their Wives, Marriages, Housework and Commitment.It's important to learn about your partner's money habits, and learn to work out a system where both your financial habits are accounted for. This can only be done if there is an open policy regarding the family finances. Have regular conversations about the money, and you'll notice your financial disagreements will decrease. If there are money secrets, tension and anxiety over finances hidden under the layers of your relationship, there is a tendency for one or both partners to split up... or give up. Being open and honest about matters of finance with your partner, as well as seeking assistance of financial planners and
debt counselors may help you get back on top of your financial situation – and may also help save your relationship.
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